Comments on: Psychoboy Animatic Pitch http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 05:43:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Brandon Carbaugh http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-3 Brandon Carbaugh Fri, 22 Feb 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-3 My notes are more specific in terms of plot. I'd like to see a little bit more regarding skinner; a few evil-looking pictures don't quite convey his character savagely enough.<br />Also, I'd make the arena a little less formal; I think you used the word 'school' in there, and any time you put the words 'teen' 'battle' and 'school' together in an anime, it's not good. Maybe instead go punk novel with it; the 'arena' could be a nickname for a times-square-esque section of New Phoenix that the gangs frequently clash in.<br />I also agree with the previous commenter that the 'passing of the sword' was a little cliche. Maybe instead of a sword it could be an old gun. Maybe during the war, the military confiscated guns from civilians, which is why skinner's army is so superior and everyone else uses weapons. Psychoboy getting a gun would be a significant event.<br />I would also reccomend conveying a little more personality about Psychoboy himself. The only thing that really comes across is that he's a troubled teen who's eternally pissed off, which isn't too much to go off of.<br />All that said, this looks really cool. I think I'd rather see this as a series than an animated movie, and I'd recommend retaining the 80's punk style (artistically, I mean). My notes are more specific in terms of plot. I’d like to see a little bit more regarding skinner; a few evil-looking pictures don’t quite convey his character savagely enough.
Also, I’d make the arena a little less formal; I think you used the word ’school’ in there, and any time you put the words ‘teen’ ‘battle’ and ’school’ together in an anime, it’s not good. Maybe instead go punk novel with it; the ‘arena’ could be a nickname for a times-square-esque section of New Phoenix that the gangs frequently clash in.
I also agree with the previous commenter that the ‘passing of the sword’ was a little cliche. Maybe instead of a sword it could be an old gun. Maybe during the war, the military confiscated guns from civilians, which is why skinner’s army is so superior and everyone else uses weapons. Psychoboy getting a gun would be a significant event.
I would also reccomend conveying a little more personality about Psychoboy himself. The only thing that really comes across is that he’s a troubled teen who’s eternally pissed off, which isn’t too much to go off of.
All that said, this looks really cool. I think I’d rather see this as a series than an animated movie, and I’d recommend retaining the 80’s punk style (artistically, I mean).

]]> By: Alex S http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-1 Alex S Wed, 14 Mar 2007 00:00:00 +0000 http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-1 This is a very cool idea. I like the opening bit and the narration (wonderful voice). The art style is really nice and hopefully the animation would have a similar sort of depth and not be reduced to a simple cleaner style.<br /><br />That said I think there are a few small things about the presentation of the idea that could be improved. Drop the character explanations and instead insert brief bits that show us who these characters are. This would avoid the sort of stereotyped roles and would give the characters more depth in my opinion (viewer gets to use more imagination about them). Also I found the sword/elder brother part a bit cliched, as well as the idea of a team/gang rather than looser associations. <br /><br />There are also one or two character designs that seem cliched (the girl in black in particular). <br /><br />You might also want to consider (as a matter of pre-production) making sure that the world is consistent technologically and economically. It doesn't have to be detailed, only enough that nothing sticks out like a sore thumb. For instance, where does the gas come from or did things move to electricity/batteries before the fall? Having just enough consistency and vagueness in these areas will make it easy for an audience to suspend disbelief. This is not a flaw of the animatic but something that should definitely worked out so that mood remains tight.<br /><br />All in all this is a project I'd really like to see come to life. Right now it does come across as more of narrated comic book since the animation is so limited. <br /><br />What scale do you anticipate for this? Is the story we saw a single episode, a season 1 arc, part of a movie or trilogy? To really get your story developed right you need to know this (since each is very different) and, since this is a pitch, convey it more clearly. Of course you can have different versions but the best results for you artistically (IMHO), would come from a strong development and presentation along one line of those choices. If that doesn't get picked up then you can redevelop off that base into a different length format but at least you have a clearer idea of what you after and what you can offer.<br /><br />Good job and good luck! This is a very cool idea. I like the opening bit and the narration (wonderful voice). The art style is really nice and hopefully the animation would have a similar sort of depth and not be reduced to a simple cleaner style.

That said I think there are a few small things about the presentation of the idea that could be improved. Drop the character explanations and instead insert brief bits that show us who these characters are. This would avoid the sort of stereotyped roles and would give the characters more depth in my opinion (viewer gets to use more imagination about them). Also I found the sword/elder brother part a bit cliched, as well as the idea of a team/gang rather than looser associations.

There are also one or two character designs that seem cliched (the girl in black in particular).

You might also want to consider (as a matter of pre-production) making sure that the world is consistent technologically and economically. It doesn’t have to be detailed, only enough that nothing sticks out like a sore thumb. For instance, where does the gas come from or did things move to electricity/batteries before the fall? Having just enough consistency and vagueness in these areas will make it easy for an audience to suspend disbelief. This is not a flaw of the animatic but something that should definitely worked out so that mood remains tight.

All in all this is a project I’d really like to see come to life. Right now it does come across as more of narrated comic book since the animation is so limited.

What scale do you anticipate for this? Is the story we saw a single episode, a season 1 arc, part of a movie or trilogy? To really get your story developed right you need to know this (since each is very different) and, since this is a pitch, convey it more clearly. Of course you can have different versions but the best results for you artistically (IMHO), would come from a strong development and presentation along one line of those choices. If that doesn’t get picked up then you can redevelop off that base into a different length format but at least you have a clearer idea of what you after and what you can offer.

Good job and good luck!

]]> By: Jim Wyatt http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-2 Jim Wyatt Wed, 14 Mar 2007 00:00:00 +0000 http://frederatorblogs.com/psychoboy/2007/03/13/psychoboy-animatic-pitch/#comment-2 Thanks Alex for your comments and best wishes. <br />I'm selling this as a feature. In this pitch animatic, I was trying to hit all the main points of the script to retain the mood of the film. I think many of your problems with it would be worked out in the creative process.<br />Thank you again for your thoughts. I appreciate it Thanks Alex for your comments and best wishes.
I’m selling this as a feature. In this pitch animatic, I was trying to hit all the main points of the script to retain the mood of the film. I think many of your problems with it would be worked out in the creative process.
Thank you again for your thoughts. I appreciate it

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