The Kelv Enthusiast: Kalox’s Legacy
It would be impossible to speak of Kelvic history without mentioning Kalox the Evil One. His legacy is a shadow that has stretched across centuries and continues to darken life in Kelv to this day.
Historians believe he was born in the Dik Mountains. He was trained by masters of the dark arts to have inhuman courage and power. In 1309 AD he was sent to usurp the king of Kelv, Baldov the Third. On the day of his royal wedding, Baldov was murdered by Kalox and the crown was stolen.
(Baldov welcomed this death by dagger since he was only hours from consummating his marriage to his grandmother. The Kelvic royal bloodline was extremely tight-knit).
Kalox became a most hated ruler and for decades conquered all opposition. Finally he was successfully overthrown by Naar the Uplifter. This story was chronicled as a rock opera entitled “The Sekulon” by California rock trio The Lazer Quails in 2003. Click here to listen.
Kalox was regarded as ancient history until the early 1930’s when a ruthless maniac who called himself Vadok Kaloxzuun (”The Evil Re-incarnation of Kalox”) rose to prominence. He claimed to posses the re-birthed spirit of Kalox inside him. So insanely terrifying were his speeches that within five years he had become the undisputed ruler of Kelv. His famous speeches consisted mostly of him screaming at the top of lungs for hours. His political platform was based on Pure Evil. Human sacrifices, destruction of non-belivers, etc.
Fortunately for the world, his reign lasted less than a decade. He was followed by the Perpindikulons, whose intentions were equally strange but with better intentions. However, there is no guarantee that Kalox will not return again. There are rumors of followers to this day living here in Kelv and even America! Look at this picture if you don’t believe me!
**What the hell is this all about? It’s an excerpt from my upcoming magazine piece “The Kelv Enthusiast” to be published in Mammal Magazine, Spring 2007. Tune in for details.
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